a cup of Coffee.

Monday was my birthday. Coffee & I shared the same birthday. 

A sort of a bittersweet moment this year, considering we're no longer together.

Remaining friends. Sort of. Not really. 

He stopped by yesterday to see me. Again, very bittersweet. 

When you love someone for three years, you find it hard to see them.

You find it hard to talk. To feel. To respond. But you can't help smiling.

The warmth in their presence even until after your feelings have changed towards them. 

Or you think they've changed. But the truth is, you'll always have them. 

The most deserving person of love who endures the worst because of me - shows up to see me.

I never knew, three years ago, that I would stop loving him wholeheartedly. 

I never expected my emotions to drift. I never expected to cheat on my first love. 

Yet he was standing in front of me, seeing all of me, still taking me in. 

"Why do you love me?" 

"I love you because I love you." 

I used to love him that way.

No need for reasons. Love was love.

I just didn't know where I became the heartbreaker. 

In the midst of confusion and pain and uncertainty, we made love.

Yes, we made love. 

Real love, the kind of love I could only get from him. 

The love I needed. 

Following a hearty and enjoyable ride home while eating McDonalds.

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. 

So I sit here drinking Coffee.

Thinking about Coffee.

I want to love Coffee again. 

I want to take it all back. 

Coffee is worth it. So worth it. 

I. Love. You. Coffee. Even when it feels like I don't. 

HIs name is Ava

I haven't seen him in 7 months. 

I haven't spoken to him in 5 days. 

We have the same birthday, we're super different, therefore, the zodiac signs & their crap can kiss my swish.

I don't know how many people have married their first love. He is mine. Oh-so-fortunately, I am his. I think we're going to get married but I don't want to jinx it, in case someone else is supposed to be that "time freezes and that's how you know" girl. 

This is the story about the guy who asked to talk to me and used up every minute staring at the floor as

I was lecturing him about finding the right girl and that asking a girl to talk to her (come on, we all know he only wanted to mess around - one night stand style) when he really just wanted to lip-smack and get touchy-touchy was such a loser move. 

He was drunk as a skunk. 

Senior year. 

Losing their chance to play in the high school Championship game. 

I swear I gave him no chance that night three years ago. 

I'm watching Nashville on Hulu right now so I'll have more to say tomorrow. Kama Chronicles will break his heart. We won't tell him. Or maybe he'll find out when he finds this blog. Chances are - he won't. 

Long distance relationships suck. Yet, it's a wonderful challenge for two people who want to test their

love for each other. We are currently experiencing our second one. 

Damn, I miss everything about him. I hope he's dreaming of me. 

Mi-Aych will Miss you -__-

Even if I sleep up until 10 o'clock in the morning she'll stay under the covers and wait for me to wake up. Even if I'm talking to another adult about an important issue she'll bug me and bug me until I see that she's more important right now. Even if I'm trying to eat a decent meal she'll whisper "fia ai Aunty" and remind me to eat moderately because I have to share with her. Even if I have to walk up the stairs with loads of stuff she'll force her bag in my face. Even if she's tired of sitting in her car seat, she'll hop right back on when I say please.


Shekinah is no typical two-year old. Honey Booboo has nothing on my little Samoan maka-pinty Tinkerbell gibberish translator. Never in my life had I imagined that this girl would ever be such a big part of my life. It's true what they say, how life is full of surprises and this girl is definitely packing them surprises. I am her one and only Mi-Aych. A few months ago I was a teacher at Manumalo Baptist School and I wanted my students to call me Miss H (As a kid, I loved the movie, "Matilda" and of course I was a teacher now and it so happens that my name started with an H and I actually led my students to believe H stood for Honey, as in Miss Honey. LOL. ) There began the makings of Miss H - and the calling of Mi-Aych. Shekinah probably notices that everyone around me calls me a different name but she doesn't care, very NOSE of her, continuing to call me Mi-Aych. A few weeks ago she left for California, I was pretty down about it knowing that my iPad front-face camera wasn't going to be filled with daily pictures of her selfies (the iPad always seems to be on low battery when I want to take my own selfies, setup!) & when she finally came back home the first thing she said to me was , "Hiyeeeeee Mi-Aych !!" You couldn't imagine how many pills of happy went into my system the moment she said my name- well- her name for me. I have about a month and a half left with her before she goes back to California and I am so mad at Dinosaur Train and Caillou and all her other cartoon friends from taking our quality time together. I wouldn't mind turning the television off but I'm sure she'll say "Ti TV Aunty!" That'll be the end of our loving relationship if I was to ask her to do something else, like, hanging out with me. LOL. Before I left for UH West Oahu she was still in her Mommy's arms, slowly learning how to walk, but by then she knew how to make faces. I felt like it was my job to make sure she knew how to do every expression in the book. From smiling, to frowning, to puckering up like a duck, to puckering up for a kiss, to tongue teasing, to gangstah looks, to its-so-shocking-i-need-to-cover-my-mouth-in-case-it-falls-of-my-face, this missy right here aced my class of crazy faces. Step two was language. I would think that I was the only one encouraging her to speak English her own way, but of course, my Mom was also making it worse hahahahahaha I don't understand anything she says, but it doesn't stop her. She would go on with her version of English and I would continue with mine. So we would just go at it for a few minutes and I think that she understands every bit of what I say and I return the favor and accept that whatever her replies are, make total sense. One day they will, I guess, but I won't be there to see it. I won't be able to witness the wonderful world she will make of saying the correct things - or maybe I don't want to see it. I want to stay as Mi-Aych to her, for always. I'm sure she will catch on with saying Miss H but I don't think it would be as special as Mi-Aych.

Sometimes blood isn't as thick, my Shekinah is more than blood to me. She is bond. Unbreakable.
Her mother may not be my biological sister, but Shekinah is my niece, if not the closest niece I will have in this life. And I will more than miss her because I won't have anyone to speak secret with. I won't have anyone to call me by my favorite name. I won't have anyone sleeping by my side with so much patience. I won't have fun picking out color-coordinated outfits for my baby Samoan barbie. And worst of all, trying to figure out what sort of hair arrangement she would rock in front of Barney and friends.


Oh as I cry thinking about her going on that plane.
Mi-Aych will miss you so so so much baby.
And Mi-Aych will always love you.
Mi-Aych will look forward to the day we can speak our own English language again.

Chasing Jesus this time around ...

I can't believe all I had a was a title. This whole time I thought I had written a superb entry about chasing Jesus. Well, now that I've finally had time to check my Blogger account months later, here I am  staring at a blank page. Leaving my title to fend for itself. How rude of me to leave the periods to chase Jesus.


I'm still chasing Jesus. Yes indeed, I haven't put on my sport shoes for a while so I think it's safe to say that I've actually been walking - not chasing - towards Jesus. 2012, not necessarily a bad year, but I never thought I'd return home in such a short time. School wasn't working for me, or, let me rephrase that, I wasn't working for school. So I'm back to the motherland, beautiful Motu o Fiafiaga, trying to find out where I went wrong and where I'm going to go again.

I am now a teacher, well, my resignation date is tomorrow so it's been quite a transition. Where to begin? Alright, so I came down mid-July to Pago Pago. I was a second grade teacher at Manumalo Baptist for a few months and then I transferred over to a public school (I'm a product of the public education system so it was pretty set that I wanted to give back... somehow...er, teaching.) I used to think that long distant work  must have me in some Favorites list, but actually, I am not fit for a teacher. So there we are, the reason why I taught in the first place, I forgot. I don't think I really thought about it at the time. Now it's pretty evident I can understand just how wrong teaching is for me because I've been depressed and anxious and getting mini panic attacks - I'm a good pretender I guess.

So, let's see. I'm sitting in the front office at our precious school chatting up one of the teachers wondering what I'll be doing for the next few months. Oh right, join the Air Force, what a beautiful thought.

I really have to do something about running. Jesus, last time I was running. Now, now I'm walking -slowly, it's been hard, really hard without you. But now I'm coming after you again. Not as fast, though.